05:52 / 05:52-07:42
Edward geht noch zum am Boden liegenden Albert und der Sheriff kommt ebenfalls dazu. Albert diskutiert mit ihm ein wenig darüber, dass er seinen Job nicht richtig macht, wenn er bei einer solchen Auseinandersetzung nicht eingreift. Im Anschluss geht Albert zu Dr. Harper, der gerade eine blutige Operation für eher harmlose Beschwerden durchgeführt hat.
Edward: "Albert. Albert, are you okay, man? Oh, God."
Albert: "It's just a... A graze, I think."
Sheriff: "You all right, Albert?"
Albert: "Oh, hey, Sheriff. Hey, listen. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate you stepping in and stopping this deadly altercation going on right in front of your office. That's great."
Sheriff: "Not my place to intervene, Albert. I think a man ought to fight his own battles."
Albert: "You're the Sheriff."
Sheriff: "That's right."
Albert: "So the one thing we're paying you to do, like, the one function you have in town, you're saying everyone else should do it?"
Sheriff: "Go see Dr. Harper about that foot."
Dr. Harper fummelt gerade an einer offenen Bauchwunde herum, Albert kommt dazu; "Hey, Dr. Harper!"
Dr. Harper: "Hello! Albert, how are you?"
Albert: "Hey, Doc, listen, I was... Holy shit."
Dr. Harper: "Oh, don't worry about this. I'm just in the middle of surgery."
Albert: "I can come back if, uh..."
Dr. Harper: "No, no, no. She's gonna be out for quite a while. Mrs. Callaghan. The poor woman, her stomach devil was about to explode. I had to take it out."
Albert: "Her appendix?"
Dr. Harper, während seine Katze such am Bauch verköstigt: "That's the fella. Well, what's your trouble?"
Albert: "Uh, it's a bullet graze. I just need it checked out."
Dr. Harper: "Yeah, I heard you turned yellow on Charlie Blanche. Let's... Let's have a look."
Er greift sogleich zur Wunde und Albert bemerkt: "You're, uh... You're not big on the hand-washing, are you?"
Dr. Harper: "Ooh, that is a nasty one. We may have to take that off, otherwise you might wind up with a case of toe-foot."
Albert: "Okay, I don't think that's a real thing, and second of all, it's a graze, Doc. I'm not gonna let you take my foot off."
Dr. Harper: "Well, suit yourself. But I've seen toe-foot turn into knee-leg in less than a week."
Alberts: "Just a dressing, thanks."
Die Katze vergreift sich derweil an den Innereien.
25:39 / 27:29-33:07
Nachdem Edward Albert wieder etwas Mut gemacht hat, gibt es einen riesigen zusätzlichen Szenenblock am nächsten Tag. Albert spricht in einem kleinen Laden ein Mädchen an und will ihr die neue Erfindung Kaugummi anbieten, bevor er sie nach einem Date fragt - was sie wegen seiner Performance beim Duell zu Beginn des Films aber abschlägt.
Es folgen noch drei tatsächlich umgesetzte Dates: Beim ersten bringen die Fragen über den Vater das Mädel aus dem Konzept, beim zweiten handelt es sich um ein kleines Kind. Die Letzte ist ein bisschen zu aufdringlich, letztendlich führt die Szene dazu, dass Albert vom Tod seiner Mutter erfährt.
Im Anschluss sieht man die Beerdigung, wo Edward noch ein paar blöde Kommentare gibt, der Vater nicht gerade emotional reagiert und zwei Pistoleros ihre Leichen mit im Grab deponieren.
Albert: "You looking at cloth?"
Albert: "Hey, um, you ever tried gum?"
Albert, während er ein Stück Kaugummi hervornimt; "It's cool, actually. It's this new thing that just came out. A lot of people are doing it. It's, um... Helps you pass the time."
Mädchen: "Okay. Well, have a good rest of your day."
Albert: "No, I'm sorry. Listen... I'm a little out of practice here. That's why I'm coming off awkward. I would love to take you out. Are you busy Sunday? Are you doing anything Sunday?"
Mädchen: "You know, I don't... I don't really know my plans yet."
Albert: "Well, 'cause they're gonna be delivering a big block of ice into town, and it should be pretty cool to watch, actually. You don't usually get to see that much ice all in one place at one time."
Mädchen: "Wait, aren't you the guy that backed out of that gunfight?"
Albert: "Yeah, I mean, that was like a mutual thing. It was... I don't remember which one of us said it first."
Mädchen: "It didn't look very mutual. You seemed to leave."
Albert: "Uh, so you were there?"
Mädchen: "Yeah. Pretty much the whole town was there."
Albert: "Whole town, wow. That's... Makes me a pretty popular guy.
Mädchen: "Yeah... No, it doesn't, actually. No."
Albert: "Yeah, like you're so popular."
Mädchen: "Actually, I was voted prom queen."
Albert: "Yeah, how many girls were in your class? Like three?"
Albert: "Oh, actually, that's a lot. Yeah."
Nun sitzt er im Restaurant beim Date mit einer Asiatin.
Albert: "So, tell me about your family. What do your parents do?"
Asiatin: "Well, my dad owns a business that manufactures brass light fixtures for upscale hotels."
Albert: "Oh, wow, really?"
Asiatin: "No, he's a fucking rail road builder, like every other Chinaman out here."
Albert: "Oh. Sorry. That first one was so specific, I thought... But I bet he's a neat guy, though, yeah?"
Asiatin: "Gosh, I wouldn't know, I never see him. You know how many hours he works?"
Albert: "All the live-long day?"
Sie geht böse davon und er meint noch: "Come on, it's a joke.
Nächste Szene, das Date mit einem Kind.
Albert: "So, um, I know this is totally acceptable out here on the frontier, but, uh, I'm not gonna lie to you, something about it feels a little weird."
Kind: "My mother says I need to find a husband, so I don't become an old maid."
Albert weist sie ab; "I actually just remembered, I have a super early morning tomorrow. Uh, so I may have to split. Sir, can we get the check, please?"
Kind: "Do you wanna reschedule for some time next week?"
Albert: "Uh, I can't... You know, I'm actually out of town next week. Yeah. I have a sheep convention that I have to go to in Santa Marga... it's a small town still being built. They haven't finished the name. But... I hate my schedule."
Der Kellner kommt; "Um, sir?" So, can I interest you and your girlfriend in some dessert?"
Albert verteidigt sich sofort; "Oh, this is not my girlfriend. Oh. We're fine though, thank you."
Nachdem der Mann gegangen ist, fragt sie: "Why were you such a dick about that?"
Albert: "What? What did I say?"
Kind: " 'She's not my girlfriend.' What, do I embarrass you or something?"
Albert: "No. This is a first date, though. I just think the word girlfriend is a bit much."
Kind: "Well, excuse me. I'm sorry you're feeling smothered."
Albert: "I'm starting to see why you don't have a husband."
Und das übereifrige Mädel, welches Albert wild küsst.
Albert: "You got a lot of energy, don't you? Ow! What the hell? You just bit my tongue! Ow! Jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Mädel: "Oh, come on, don't be a pussy."
Albert: "I'm not a pussy. I just don't like hitting. Ow! What the fuck!"
Mädel: "Oh, are you ticklish? Oh, you are!"
Albert: "What do you mean? Ahh! No! God damn it!"
Mädel: "Oh, you are!"
Albert: "No! Stop, stop. Evelyn, stop!"
Dabei schmeißt er die Lampe um und ein kleines Feuer entsteht; "Oh, shit. Shit!"
Sein Vater öffnet das Fenster; "Albert, is that you?"
Albert: "Uh, yeah. Sorry, Dad."
Sein Vater meint lediglich trocken: "Your mother died this afternoon."
Weiter gehts mit der Beerdigung, der Pfarrer liest vor: "Merciful God, take this good woman into thine heavenly kingdom, where she may find peace and freedom from her earthly suffering. You know, Elsie Stark, she eschewed the pleasures of this earth."
Edward: "I'm really sorry, Albert."
Albert: "She had a full life. You know, when she was born, all of this was just dusty desert plain as far as the eye could see."
Man sieht, dass es das eigentlich auch heute noch ist, während er fortfährt; "And now look at it. We got the sod house over there."
Edward: "You know, I've seen old photographs of that plain without the sod house, and it's really weird 'cause it's like you recognize it, but it's really different. But it's the same, but it's just really weird."
Pfarrer: "She once bit a rattlesnake in two. When I asked why, she simply said, 'Well, I wanted to bite him before he bit me.' "
Albert: "Hey, how you doing, Dad? You okay?"
Der Vater antwortet emotionslos: "She was a good, solid woman. I liked her."
Albert: "Easy, Dad, I'm uncomfortable with so much emotion."
Dr. Harper: "I'm sorry I couldn't save her, Albert."
Albert: "She had a splinter, Doc, what the hell were you supposed to do?"
Pfarrer: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
Zwei Cowboys kommen mit Leichen dazu; "Hey, we got a couple more here."
#2: "Yeah, can we get in on this grave?"
Albert: "Yeah, sure. Yeah, go ahead."
Sie werfen die Leichen ins Grab.
#1: "Much obliged."
insgesamt 338 sec (= 5:38 min)
25:55-26:08 / 33:23-33:31
Das Gespräch zwischen Albert und Edward nimmt hier ein anderes Ende - womöglich nur, weil Albert hier in der Kinofassung den Eisblock-Gag bringt, der in der Extended Version schon innerhalb der vorigen Zusatzszene mit den Dates vorkam.
Die Kinofassung lässt Edward das Thema wechseln; "Yep. Oh, by the way, they're delivering the town's ice shipment today. You want to go watch?"
Albert: "Oh, yeah, that'd be fun. It's always a thrill when you get to see that much ice all in one place."
Edward, bevor Albert auf Louise zeigt: "Yeah, I think so, too. I'm really excited."
In der Extended Version reagiert Edward stattdessen auf das vorige Thema: "Let me tell you something. When intellectual progress comes to a screeching halt 20 years from now, you can thank the stick hoop."
Albert reagiert, bevor er auf Louise zeigt; "Yeah. That's about right."
Kinofassung 5 sec länger
36:48 / 44:11-46:10
Nachdem Albert mit dem Bein vom Bürgermeister eine Scheibe eingeworfen und die Flucht ergriffen hat, gibt es eine zusätzliche, direkt darauf aufbauende Szene mit ihm und Anna. Sie kommen zu einem Baumstumpf und Albert erklärt, wie dieser mit der Geschichte des Dorfs zusammenhängt. Die Beiden lernen sich dann noch ein wenig kennen, was Albert natürlich allerlei kleine Gags entlockt.
Albert: "Sorry about that."
Anna: "I assume this is why the town is called Old Stump."
Albert: "This is the very same stump in Old Stump. Yeah. When they built the town, they had to cut down this big tree and they couldn't move the stump. They didn't have any dynamite and they ran out of black guys, so they just had to leave it here, in the middle of the street."
Anna: "Well, why couldn't they just build the town 50 feet that way?"
Albert: "So, why would you come to the western frontier from Kansas City? I mean, this is a shithole out here."
Anna: "I don't know, I think it's kind of exciting. Everything's so new and unpredictable."
Albert geht zu einem Bankgebäude mit großer entsprechender Aufschrift und meint sarkastisch: "That is true. Yeah, nothing is what it seems out here. Like, see that building, right there? Like, what do you think is in there? Oh, my God. It could be anything. We don't know. This whole place has such an air of mystery about it."
Anna: "I'm getting the sense you're kind of a negative guy."
Albert: "Yes, I'm kind of a negative guy. Look where I live, for God's sake. By the way, here's a fun fact about the American West in 1882. You receive the same punishment if you're a horse thief or a retarded newborn."
Anna: "They hang retarded newborns?"
Albert: "Yep, as a warning to others. I shit you not."
Albert: "But it's not gonna be my problem anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow."
Anna: "You are? Where are you going?"
Albert: "San Francisco, civilization."
Anna: "Well, I guess you got to do what makes you happy, right?"
Albert: "Yeah, well, happy is a tall order, but, you know, this will at least make me not dead."
Anna: "Could it be you're also a guy with a broken heart?"
Albert: "Since you brought it up, can I unload all my shit on you?
42:45 / 52:07-53:14
Während Albert und Anna vor dem Fotograf herumlungern, sprechen sie hier noch etwas mehr. Es geht darum, was sie an einem Partner abtörnt: Bei Anna ist es Kautabak, bei Albert ist es, wenn sein Date aussieht wie ihr Vater.
Anna: "So, we know what kinda girl you like. What kinda girl do you not like?"
Albert: "What do you mean?"
Anna: "Like, what's the worst quality for you in another person?"
Albert: "That's an interesting question."
Anna: "You know that deal-breaker thing that you just absolutely cannot tolerate. For me, it's tobacco chewing. I mean, I don't care how much a guy smokes, but if he chews, forget it. There's no way I'm kissing that. And he's definitely not going down on me."
Albert: "That's a beautiful sentiment. You should stitch that into a pillow."
Anna: "Oh, I have. It's all embroidered and fancy, and it says, 'Don't go snackin' if you've been tobaccin'.' "
Albert: "Yeah. That's... That's perfect."
Anna: "So, what about you?"
Albert: "All right, you're gonna think this is kinda fucked up because it is. Um, I can't handle it when a girl looks like her dad."
Anna: "Okay. That's..."
Albert: "Yeah. I know, I know."
Albert: "Because when I'm dating a girl and I meet her parents, and it turns out that she looks like him, and I see, like, all the matching facial features and the bone structure and what not. From then on, when I'm kissing her, I'm just very aware that I'm kissing the dad's facial geography, you know, and it just has a slightly gay feeling."
Anna: "I'm surprised your girlfriend left you."
46:35 / 57:04-57:15
Nach Alberts misslungenem Schuss gibts noch ein kurzes Wiedersehen mit dem Kind, welches Albert zuvor nur in der Extended gedatet hat.
Freundin: "Didn't you date that guy?
Kind: "Yeah, but it didn't work out. It was like I was dating my dad."
Freundin: "Aren't you dating your dad now?"
Freundin: "How's that going?"
Kind: "Pretty good."
50:14 / 60:54-62:34
Nach dem Jahrmarkt sieht man Albert und Anna noch ein bisschen durch die Stadt marschieren, sie landen in Millies Freudenhaus. Dort sitzen alle zusammen und sind traurig darüber, dass eine der Frauen vergewaltigt wurde. In der folgenden Diskussion zielen mehrere Gags darauf ab, dass das gar nicht so verschieden vom typischen Alltag im Bordell ist.
Albert: "Hey, what's going on? Is everything all right?
Millie: "One of the girls was raped."
Albert: "Jesus. What happened?"
Anna: "Oh, my God."
Prostituierte: "I walked in, and this rancher was just riding Becky like she was some kind of show pony."
Albert: "Oh, my God."
Anna: "That's terrible."
Albert: "Like, different from normal whorehouse sex?"
Anna: "I was just thinking the same thing. Did he not pay or something?"
Ruth: "She was on her lunch break. But he didn't wanna wait for her to finish her sandwich."
Edward: "Just goes to show you that women are never really completely safe from male aggression."
Ruth: "I mean, if a rape can happen here, it can happen anywhere."
Albert: "Yeah, I mean, probably more likely to happen here, but is she okay?"
Millie: "Doctor's with her now."
Albert: "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. This is Anna, by the way."
Sie wird begrüßt und meint: "Listen, if there's anything we can do, just please, please let us know."
Albert: "Anything at all, yeah."
Anna: "We could send a card or something."
Prostituierte: "If it were me, you know, I think... I mean, I would love something I could use. You know, like... Like milk."
Albert: "I mean, yeah, that's..."
Anna: "Sure. We can send milk."
Prostituierte: "Oh, milk would be so nice."
Albert: "We'll send milk."
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